All in a day ...

12:37 AM ... "Mommy, mommy ..."!!!  Little one crawls into bed with me. 

1:43 AM ... Avery takes up 97% of a Queen Size Bed  ... how does a 28-month old who weighs 29lbs sprawl out like an octopus and snore like a sailor!  (For the record I have never personally heard a sailor snore!  Darn)

5:55 AM ... Waking up and thinking 'oh my goodness I am exhausted'. 

5:57 AM ... Avery is having sweet dreams which are soon a sweet memory - Golden Retriever is wishing everyone a Barking Good Morning ...  "Molly shut it!"

5:58 AM ... Hubby -- early bird -- is arriving home from Tim's with a coffee. 

6:00 AM ... Alarm goes off.  Beep, Beep, Beep ... Must officially get up!

6:05 AM ... Convincing Avery to have her diaper changed, brush her teeth and comb her hair

6:14 AM ... Threatening that teeth will fall out

6:19 AM ... Debating what to t-shirt to wear ... "No flowers, no puppies and no words Mommy!" ... we settle on stripes

6:34 AM ... Jump in shower, step on fish bath toy ... first experlative of the day ... #!$#%^$^%

6:45 AM ... Daddy takes over Avery duty

7:17 AM - 4:50 PM ... Fight traffic, work, fight traffic (second, third, fourth and fifth experlatives of the day)

4:55 PM ... Pick up Avery from Montessori ... she skips to see me and exclaims to her classmates "My Mommy"!

5:15 PM ... Take little one to dinner and do some errands ...

6:45 PM ... Stop in at Daddy's work and Avery tells Jeff's co-worker ...  "Mommy went Poopy!"

7:15 PM ... Convincing Avery to change her diaper, brush her teeth and put on 'jammies'

7:27 PM ... Theatening that teeth will fall out

7:32 PM... "Bang, bang, clatter bing bang ..."  reading Munsch's Mortimer for the 149th time

7:49 PM... Tuck 'Monkey' in ... hearing  "I wuv you Mommy"

7:51 PM ... Realizing it is all worth it!  Yaddyaddayaddablahblahblah ...

Cucumbers ... really?!

Ok - so we all get those e-mails ... the silly LOL jokes or better yer LMAO, the "you will live 20 more years if you forward this in the next ten seconds", the photos of the apes mothering baby tigers and the extend your 'member' now offers! 

So my Mother sends me an e-mail about the power of cucumbers!  

Yep ... they eliminate fog on the bathroom mirror, they work on a hangover, they can be used to shine your shoes and fix a squeaky hinge.  Really?  A squeaky hinge ... off to the crisper I go! 

One of the other miracle uses for cucumbers is ... and I quote ...


"Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing thevisibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!"

Does it really say ... 'a slice or two'?  Really ... 'a slice or two'? 

If I am reducing the cellulite on my ass with a cucumber ... we are talking a special delivery from Farm Boy with a two-ton truck. 

Hey ... now I have a use for that Slap Chop my Mother bought me!  Chopping the cucumber that will be rubbed on my buttocks ... suddenly I have a craving for a Greek Salad ... no wait tzatziki! 

The way I figure it ... if I quit my job ... slice cucumbers and rub said cucumbers on my arse ... I will have tightened my ass by the time I retire!  Yaddayaddayaddablahblahblah ...

I was a Cosmo Girl ...

It is 10:00 PM and I shut off the TV ... get my jammies on, brush my teeth and jump into bed ... grab my latest magazine and it hits me ... I was a Cosmo girl! 

Cosmopolitan magazine was what I took to bed in the early days ... now it's Today's Parent!

Dating advice, high style, sex tips and 'are you wearing the right blush?' in the past were my biggest issues?! 

Now potty training, 'no more meltdowns', the latest in cupcakes and butt paste are my leisure reading choices. 

In between Cosmo and Today's Parent ... Bride's R Us, Scrapbooking for Dummies, Cooking for Complete Idiots, and my fav with a really long title ... 'If you stopped reading this magazine and got on the treadmill instead ... you wouldn't be fat!' ... and of course, Oprah , pregnancy, Time and whatn was I thinking Yoga Today.    Each marking a milestone ...

I remember when I got engaged ... one of the times ... LOL ... that I traded in 'Just OK' sex for night after night of peering through wedding magazines ... the dress, the flowers, the decor, the cake ... and then it hit me ... (when I found him on the couch in the morning, because he couldn't get into bed because of all the wedding magazines on his bedside) I wanted a party, I didn't want a marriage!  I called it off ...

No more Supermodels or Talk Show Queens grace the covers of my magazines ... now it is coiffed children in the latest Gymboree ensemble eating perfect cookies ... (but it does make me feel better knowing from my model booking agent days that those kids probably had a fit .... didn't like the clothes they had to wear, the shoes were too tight, they were hot and grumpy, mad they couldn't actually 'eat' the cookies and didn't care if they were on the cover of a magazine).  There ... I can be grumpy too!

I am happy to cuddle up with my parenting magazines ... don't get me wrong ... just realized how I can see my life's journey in the grocery check-out!  Yaddayaddayaddablahblahblah ...

What NOT to Expect - the Toddler Years

My little one is becoming very independent and as much as I love it ... it drives me nuts!

"No coat Mommy", "Pink coat ... no purple coat" ... "Avery put on boots ... Mommy help".

"Rush teet, potty now, wash hands with Elmo soap ... Mommy no help ... Mommy help ... no Daddy help".

She is strong-willed and very determined to do stuff on her own yet, at 27 months that is limited ... it stretches our love when the little ones become increasingly independent.  Becoming their own little person!

It stretches our patience and then the books come out "What to Expect .. the Toodler Years" ... which I think would have been better titled "What NOT to expect" ... more of a fitting title.  "Who's in Charge?" and "The twos don't have to be terrible" ...

I know her independence is a good thing ... really I do ... I let her choose her jammies and the other night she marched right up to me and said "Monkey PJS for Avery".  I like the fact that she is making decisions and she is extremely tenacious!  I need to breath deep and count to 10 ... OK ... 20!  And realize that I am blessed to be raising a strong girl ... who is kind and loving ... and VERY funny!

I have had to let go of alot of my Before I was a Mom baggage.  I have had to let go of the small stuff and resist the temptation to say "She dressed herself" to people at the grocery store.

Before I was a Mom ... my rule ... no soother past 18 months ... did I mention she is 27 months and still uses one! 

Before I was a Mom ... lavender and apple green snowsuit, mittens (waterproof and fleece), neck warmer, boots and hat to match ... now if she gets out the door in a red coat, pink boots (on the wrong feet), green hat, yellow mittens ... we are good to go! 

Before I was a Mom ... every meal was going to incorporate the five food groups and make Martha Stewart crazy with envy ... now ... whenever the doorbell rings Avery dances around rubbing her tummy singing "pizza, pizza ... Avery eating pizza" ... even if it is the Gas Meter Guy, the neighbour to borrow sugar or a political candidate!  I think Bob Chiarelli felt bad he didn't have pizza to deliver! 

I marvel and have a huge amount of respect for parents that have twins, triplets ... lots of kids ... I tip my hat and bow ...

I love my kid -- as I say to her every night "I love you to the moon, the sun and back times ten" ... and she often is my teacher.  Teaching me to become more patient, more tolerant and more relaxed.

Because one moment she is excerting her independence and the next moment she is my little baby again ... looking for cuddles, kisses and a soft place to land. 

At the end of the day ... we look in at our sleeping baby and our hearts burst with happiness at how our little girl is growing up ... yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah. 

Are you there God, it's us ... Canada

From 3:00 - 6:00 EST standard time today ... no phone will ring ... no car will travel the roads ...workers called in sick ... realtors rescheduled 'open houses' ... parents are napping toddlers and kids are given new quiet toys to play with ... yes, it's the Gold Medal game!  Even pregnant women who are in labour are being asked by their husbands to 'hold on until after the game, Honey'.

I am so nervous you would think I was in nets today!   Thank heavens it's Roberto instead.  Louuuuuuu ...!

We will not settle for Silver ... we did not need a little blue dot to figure out where the puck was on the ice ... on that premise alone, the Gold is ours! 

We are a nation of hockey crazed men, women and children ... we love our hockey.  We get up at 5:00 AM to take our kids to the rink ... and we are happy about it.  We dream of our kids being the next super star ... the next Mr. or Mrs. Hockey! 

We need only to hear the first names of our hockey heroes ... Gordie, Bobbie, Wayne, Mario and Sid.  Who will be today's hero ... Getzlaf, Luongo, Staal, Toews, Crosby or Iginla??  Yes, I am leaving out Heatley, I am still mad ...

In 2004 I got on a plane and to my shock & awe ... sitting beside me ... Paul Henderson.  My tummy had butterflies.  I was so excited but wanted to play it cool.  So I waited until 5 minutes before we landed to introduce myself ... although I stole little side looks for the whole flight.  He was very generous and kind ... in my excitement I explained that although I was only a baby ... I had seen the goal a million times and was so excited to meet him!  I asked for an autograph for my Dad.  When I called him Mr. Henderson ... he said "Oh, call me Paul!" ... so when we departed the plane ... I could not resist ... I said "Bye Paul".  I figured I was NEVER getting that chance again!

My love of hockey started with my Dad ... we lived in Deep River and I remember countless Saturday nights cuddled up with him watching 'The Game'.  It was simpler ... no crazy big salaries and no crazy big sponsorships.  It was our thing ... and we got mad when Mom ran the vacuum or the blender ... and there would be TVstatic ... "Mom ... turn if off!!!"  She would bring in popcorn ... I got a soft drink ... my Dad a Labatt's 50.

There will be a lot of praying today ... praying for the puck to stay out of our net and praying for it to go in theirs.  Penalties, off-sides and icing ... a lot of praying!  Are you there God, it's us ... Canada ... yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah.

Is it me ...

Is it me ... or are all the things that were supposed to make life easier, really making it easier? 

Cell phones, the blackberry, the Kindle, the laptop, hands-free calling device ... do they make life easier ... REALLY?!  Now I have to remember to plug everything in ... and to remember them ... period.  When I leave the house without my cell phone and I realize it ... I feel like I am in public without pants on! 

And now with hands - free cell devices everyone that looks in my car when I am driving thinks I am talking to myself ... and they want to send the men in the white suits with the 'special jacket' to get me!

Remember when you called someone and they didn't answer; you hung up and thought ... "they're not home, I'll call later".  Or better yet, you called and there was a busy sound ... beep, beep, beep.  You called back later then too. 

Is it me ... or is life too complicated now?! 
The Crockpot, the George Foreman Grill and the Panini machine ... the ice cube maker and the Majic Bullet.  What happened to a stove, a frying pan, an ice cube tray and a knife and a spoon??!  Don't even get me started about the SlapChop!

Is it me ... or is everything getting bigger? 

Our drug stores are the size of grocery stores, our grocery stores are the size of airport terminals and our airport terminals are the size of islands! 

Big slurpee, upsize me, Mcdouble it, jumbo, Costco ... hell and we wonder why our asses are getting bigger!

Is it me ... or is stuff getting too fast and impersonal? 

I found myself tapping my fingers impatiently waiting at the ABM for cash ... and sighing at the gas pump for the fuel to start - both, never talking to a soul. 

Is it me ... yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah.

Out like a light ...

In 2005 I had a VERY bad dental experience!!! 

The dentist screwed up and I was in the dental chair for close to five hours and when I was done looked like I had gone 3 rounds with Tonya Harding!  The dentist sent flowers the next day - the card read "For your bravery and courage ... the Dental Office Staff".

I am petrified of the dentist -- always have been and always will be.

My dentist offered to fix the screw up ... I put it off having it fixed ... and put it off ... finally he said that he would fix it for free but before December 31, 2009.

So I sucked it up ... and made my appointment.  I tried to be brave.

I had a pity-party but managed to get there in a good mood because they offered some type of new medication that puts you under, you don't remember a thing and it is safe.  No needles to be put under.  So I take them up on the sedation ... for the low, low price of $400. Yikes.

I go in and they give me this crap that tastes like a mint and I am gone to never-never land...

Skip forward to five hours later ... I remember driving in my husband's car and knowing something was wrong. 

Here it is ... 30 minutes after they put me under a fire started in the dentist's office. 

Smoke ... fire.  And me in the dentist chair!

So of course I am out ... they put me in a chair and wheel me around like "Weekend at Bernie's". 

Firefighters are all over the place (mad I missed that ...) ... the place is evacuated. 

I am drooling like Kate Moss when the Dickie-Dee ice cream buggy drives by ... it is not pretty!

Then they call my husband to sit with me at another office close by ... he walks in to find some woman holding my head up and comforting me ... for TWO hours!   He thinks she works for the dentist ... she was another patient!   God bless her. 

They call everyone -- cancel the appointments for the day and the next day. 

Since I am out like a light ... they get permission from the fire department to bring me back in to finish the surgery! 

While putting me back in the chair -- I sense that there is something wrong ...

Yeah something was wrong alright ... I went to the dentist!