Ok - so we all get those e-mails ... the silly LOL jokes or better yer LMAO, the "you will live 20 more years if you forward this in the next ten seconds", the photos of the apes mothering baby tigers and the extend your 'member' now offers!
So my Mother sends me an e-mail about the power of cucumbers!
Yep ... they eliminate fog on the bathroom mirror, they work on a hangover, they can be used to shine your shoes and fix a squeaky hinge. Really? A squeaky hinge ... off to the crisper I go!
One of the other miracle uses for cucumbers is ... and I quote ...
"Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing thevisibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!"
Does it really say ... 'a slice or two'? Really ... 'a slice or two'?
If I am reducing the cellulite on my ass with a cucumber ... we are talking a special delivery from Farm Boy with a two-ton truck.
Hey ... now I have a use for that Slap Chop my Mother bought me! Chopping the cucumber that will be rubbed on my buttocks ... suddenly I have a craving for a Greek Salad ... no wait tzatziki!
The way I figure it ... if I quit my job ... slice cucumbers and rub said cucumbers on my arse ... I will have tightened my ass by the time I retire! Yaddayaddayaddablahblahblah ...
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